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What do you really want out of life? Now what's stopping you?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Put your name on your next complaint please!

Dear Neighbour

Thank-you for the notice that you tacked to my gate last night, I was unaware of the discomfort that the barking of my dog was causing you. Judging from the tone of the writing in the note you were most upset at the time, I do apologise for any aggravation this caused you. Unfortunately you failed to tell me who your are, so I am left with no option but to post this reply here and pray that you may Google me (for future reference, my maid has my phone numbers if you wish to speak to me in person).

As to the reason for the animal’s distress, I won’t place that here in detail in case it bores my other readers, but suffice to say that relocating a home can be painful for any creature. I have, however, taken steps to ensure that you have a more peaceful day-I have secured to property better so that said canine now has the run of the entire property with out the fear of her rushing out the gate. This increase freedom will hopefully mean that she barks and whines less. There is the small possibility that she may dig under your fence, but I’m sure you’ll let me know if she makes her way into your garden. Should this not work (and again please tell me) I may have to take more drastic measures that may offend you (euthanasia and muzzling for example will probably upset your feeling for animals, so I’ll have to relocate her elsewhere).

I was intrigued by your reference to ‘my so called religion’, for as I know I have never attempted to forcibly share my religious views with any of my neighbours, nor am I a national T.V. personality-so how do you know what I believe? For the record though I follow a belief structure that originated out of a religion that supported the wholesale, regular, slaughter of animals to atone for sin. Fortunately, for reasons core to our faith, we no longer have to engage in such practices.

Thank-you once again for highlighting the problem,

Yours Sincerely

P.S. If you are the early morning saxophone player I am pleased to report that your skill has reached a standard where it is no longer bothers me while I am trying to sleep in on the weekend, but is rather conducive to relaxation.

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